The the mode of communication and time difference became a problem. We were dieng to talk to each other, hear each other's voice. But, let me tell u, we were not in a relationship. She wanted to be in a relationship with me. Even i wanted, but because of some habits, wishes, etc... i didn't accept or propose her. But, i wanted to hear her voice. Talk to her. Badly. It was like, when i don't hear her voice or chat with her during a day, my mood would be so worse that i won't eat properly, talk with other's properly. Such was the situation with me. Then, i started calling her weekly once or twice. So, we talked more, shared more.. And eventually, i muttered the three words, that she desperatly wanted to hear from me... "I Love You" . And i even promised to marry her. 

                                     This feeling of missing someone so badly was the first for me, though it was not good, but it was one of an experience. We talked through our conflictions, choices, wishes. So, we were finally together. Though separated by physical distance. I came back to India. Wanted to meet her. We planned to meet on our close friends wedding. She was to come to Delhi after a long time, and we planned to meet, spend time with each other. I was really excited about this particular meeting. First time after so many troubles, so many conflicts, were we finally together. So, keeping all these things in mind, i planned to make it make it more special. I bought a necklace for her which i can gift her.But things were again meant to go untimely wrong. 

                                          I went back abroad and was not able to attend the marriage. The necklace stayed with me... Being really upset with this fact, things suddenly took another turn. Two days after the marriage, i was in Delhi again for an emergency situation. Sravyashree was still there in Delhi. So, she came home and met me. By this time, many of my family members knew about her. We went out to a mall. 

First time in Eight long years were we together alone. 

                                    

                                       Though not the best of situation, but i gave her the necklace, actually put it on her. Was a wonderful feeling... Can't express in words. I told her, consider this as the sacred thread. Our first sign of love. Many more to come though. 

Thank you Sravyashree for making it so different. I love you for what you have been to me, and what a you are to me at present. 

  

Unsure mind...

          I found out about Sravyashree closeness to one of her tuition friend. When i wanted to get things cleared from Sravyashree, i didn't get a proper answer. I was hurt. Deeply hurt. I couldn't accept this behaviour from her. I broke up with her...

   We didn't talk for months... No sms's, no calls, no chats, nothing. Total cut-off.

    I became serious about my graduation studies. Some one and a half years later, came her sms:

Don't you want us to be together? I still believe that we are meant for eachother.

I said, i have other things to worry about. I cannot get into a relationship now.

                    

                Days passed by, we started texting eachother frequently. We became friends again. We used to sms. This happened for four months, then we stopped talking again as i didn't like some of her wishes in her life. This on and off period lasted for four years after school.

                      During this phase, i had crush over some other girl who i thought was "ideal" for me. The kind of person i want to live with. But, that crush was over in no time. And again, i was left alone.

                      I missed Sravyashree. I missed her voice, i missed her winking smileys that she used to send in text messages, i missed her laughter. Even though, we were not together then, i was getting close to her. A permanent bonding was getting made, unknowingly to me. In this gap of four years, she proposed me on two valentines day. I declined. Not that i didn't love her, but because i wasn't sure about her. And i was adamant in my stand and choices then. So, there was no way i could accept her proposal...

                     Then after college, both got placed in good companies. I was to go to abroad for my job and she had to leave delhi for her job. We again started texting eachother till the time i was on international soil. By this time, we knew almost each and everything about eachother. Actually, she is the only person who knows me completely and fully. Everything i mean!

                     Before she was to leave delhi, we met. She again proposed, i loved her but was reluctant to accept because of her "not so ideal type" for my family. She was kind of modern girl. My family would prefer the opposite. But, we spent some quality time togeher. Thats actually one of the best time we had spent together. She kissed me. It was the first for us. I was speechless. Shocked! but ofcourse happy. I didn't kiss her back. Guilty feeling you know, when you are not sure and you indulge yourself in physical relationship. Then it was like we had become even more close. Then she left. Some months later, I went abroad...

Opposite attract...

...dekh agar tu mujhe iss test men nahi dikhaaegi toh men tujhe maths k test men nahi dikhaunga.

Not that i was weak in S.S.T, just that it was in Tamil and it was only my second year since i started learning Tamil. Quite strange for a 9 year old boy who is born into an iyer family. Yes, its me Shantanu Krishnan. It was for the first time, i talked to her, Sravyashree Mohan. Our class teacher Mrs. Savithri, made me to sit with her because i had punched a classmate of mine on his face as he used foul language against my mother...

Three years later...
8th class

dekh tera dare aaya hai, tujhe karna hi padega jo hum kahe!

Shantanu: Men nahi karunga, jo karna hai karlo tum. 

Tu sunne se raha, thikh hai, truth ka question poochenge, jawaab dena padega.

Shantanu: okay: thikh hai.

On whom do you have crush??? asked Sid.

Shantanu: Hmm hmm... Ragini. A quite, dark complexioned, studious girl in our class.

Again three years later...11th class

                 Yaar you know what? Sravyashree tujhe pasand karti hai. Uske friends kehte rehti hai and woh bhi tujhe hi dekhti rehti hai. I didn't show my excitement outside but was smiling quitely from inside. Days went past. We were in the same class. Both had opted for science after 10th.

                It was erupting. My feelings for her, i wanted to tell her, propose her. But, had no guts! So, i told Sid and he brought Sravyashree near the library on the first floor where I was waiting for her. Sid already told her why he brought her down, so when she saw me, she blushed. And that was all that happened at that moment.

                 Well, u can expect this, when one is of "shy" type. I was very shy. Hardly used to talk to girls. I was very emotional, sensitive and very possessive. On the other hand, she was opposite. Extrovert, friendly, but possessive. Because we are quite literally of opposite nature, we wanted to know eachother. We had numerous fights, actually more fights than love during initial period. Still, we wanted to be with eachother. The only time that we spent together during school days was the time spent in school. Every other time, we had friends with us, so no private talks! This continued for two years till school ended.

               All our classmates, batch mates knew about us. Many of our juniors had a hint. Even some teachers knew. We were that famous. But, we were unique also. Studious were we, not the touchy touchy types... And we loved eachother. No crush, No infatuation. Just Love!

  

              I was so crazy about her, that i used to cut weekly horoscopes of us that came in the Hindustan Times. During free periods, i would shift near to her bench and just talk, or even sit silently, looking at her. I used to come early to the school so that i can see her from the first floor balcony, everyday. There was this unprecedented chemistry that could show up if we step forward but still we had a gap of atleast 30 cm between us everytime we were together. The only so called physical contact that we had would be, shaking hands on birthdays and valentines days. Remembering of Valentines day, i would tell lies at home to have money so that i could give her a rose. Even 15 Rs those days seemed costly for me to arrange. I would give her, would want to hug her, want to kiss her but the only thing that we did was saying "I love you". Absurd but sweet.

In 12th, both of us scored above 85% . I was second and she was fourth in the school.

Something happened then and things changed...